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Old 05-22-2013, 04:31 PM   #1
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Couldn't find anything in a Search so .....

A place for humour, post nicely, minimal swearing, preferably censored (we get it) and enjoy a chuckle or two. And if you even think it may be NSFW indicate NSFW.

Borrorowed a couple of faves from SF.org, you may have heard them before.

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by everything they saw,
but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart
and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life,
I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,
a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls
and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them
into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small
circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number
and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous,
voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman,
said quietly to his son...
"Go get your mother."

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Old 05-22-2013, 04:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: Post a Joke

I met my boss in the parking lot. I noticed his brand new Mercedes.

"That's a nice new car you have there.", I said to him

"Yes, and you know what? If you work hard, really apply yourself, put in those extra hours, next year I will be able to afford a better one."
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:33 PM   #3
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Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:


1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"


And the best one of all..

12. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:34 PM   #4
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Two businessmen in a bar after work.....
One says to his buddy "say, I went for a rountine check up today....."
buddy: " is everything okay.....?"
businessman: "Everything seemed to be going just fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt...."
buddy: " well, that would seem to be a pretty normal proceudure for an old guy your age....?"
businessman: "....well, so you don't think that I should change dentists then.....?"


Carry on people .....
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:11 PM   #5
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A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?""Ten," she replied."What are their names?" he asked."LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered."They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?""Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they allcome running in.""And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?""I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered."But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked."Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"


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Old 05-26-2013, 11:41 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by good
I met my boss in the parking lot. I noticed his brand new Mercedes.

"That's a nice new car you have there.", I said to him

"Yes, and you know what? If you work hard, really apply yourself, put in those extra hours, next year I will be able to afford a better one."
ahahahahah so damn true
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:06 AM   #7
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Little old man and old woman rocking in their chairs on the front porch. All the sudden, the old man gets up and smacks the old woman, then turns and sits back down.

"George?", says the old woman. "What was that for?"
"That's for bein' such a crappy lover all these years", the old man responds.

A few moments of quiet go by before the old woman gets up and smacks the old man.

"Martha?", the old man questions. "What was that for?"
With a glare in her eye, the old woman responds... "That's for knowing the damn difference"!

:-)
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Old 05-27-2013, 01:56 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by avimia
Little old man and old woman rocking in their chairs on the front porch. All the sudden, the old man gets up and smacks the old woman, then turns and sits back down.

"George?", says the old woman. "What was that for?"
"That's for bein' such a crappy lover all these years", the old man responds.

A few moments of quiet go by before the old woman gets up and smacks the old man.

"Martha?", the old man questions. "What was that for?"
With a glare in her eye, the old woman responds... "That's for knowing the damn difference"!

:-)

LMAO!!!! GREAT ONE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Old 06-07-2013, 01:56 PM   #9
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This is for the medically mindful people.

C.Diff... I guess it has a different meaning when it's an option on your Subaru.

I was sitting in a new STI during a recent fluid change and had a nice internal chuckle.
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Old 06-07-2013, 03:46 PM   #10
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I too thought that was pretty funny the first time I noticed that. Maybe not the best way to shorthand center diff.... :-\
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