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Discussion Starter #1
Couldn't find anything in a Search so .....

A place for humour, post nicely, minimal swearing, preferably censored (we get it) and enjoy a chuckle or two. And if you even think it may be NSFW indicate NSFW.

Borrorowed a couple of faves from SF.org, you may have heard them before.

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by everything they saw,
but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart
and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life,
I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,
a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls
and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them
into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small
circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number
and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous,
voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman,
said quietly to his son...
"Go get your mother."
 

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I met my boss in the parking lot. I noticed his brand new Mercedes.

"That's a nice new car you have there.", I said to him

"Yes, and you know what? If you work hard, really apply yourself, put in those extra hours, next year I will be able to afford a better one."
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:


1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"


And the best one of all..

12. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
__________________
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Two businessmen in a bar after work.....
One says to his buddy "say, I went for a rountine check up today....."
buddy: " is everything okay.....?"
businessman: "Everything seemed to be going just fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt...."
buddy: " well, that would seem to be a pretty normal proceudure for an old guy your age....?"
businessman: "....well, so you don't think that I should change dentists then.....?"


Carry on people .....
 

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A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?""Ten," she replied."What are their names?" he asked."LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered."They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?""Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they allcome running in.""And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?""I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered."But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked."Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"


Sent from my SAMSUNG GALAXY S4 using Tapatalk 2
 

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good said:
I met my boss in the parking lot. I noticed his brand new Mercedes.

"That's a nice new car you have there.", I said to him

"Yes, and you know what? If you work hard, really apply yourself, put in those extra hours, next year I will be able to afford a better one."
ahahahahah so damn true
 

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Little old man and old woman rocking in their chairs on the front porch. All the sudden, the old man gets up and smacks the old woman, then turns and sits back down.

"George?", says the old woman. "What was that for?"
"That's for bein' such a crappy lover all these years", the old man responds.

A few moments of quiet go by before the old woman gets up and smacks the old man.

"Martha?", the old man questions. "What was that for?"
With a glare in her eye, the old woman responds... "That's for knowing the damn difference"!

:)
 

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avimia said:
Little old man and old woman rocking in their chairs on the front porch. All the sudden, the old man gets up and smacks the old woman, then turns and sits back down.

"George?", says the old woman. "What was that for?"
"That's for bein' such a crappy lover all these years", the old man responds.

A few moments of quiet go by before the old woman gets up and smacks the old man.

"Martha?", the old man questions. "What was that for?"
With a glare in her eye, the old woman responds... "That's for knowing the damn difference"!

:)

LMAO!!!! GREAT ONE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
 

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This is for the medically mindful people.

C.Diff... I guess it has a different meaning when it's an option on your Subaru.

I was sitting in a new STI during a recent fluid change and had a nice internal chuckle.
 

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I too thought that was pretty funny the first time I noticed that. Maybe not the best way to shorthand center diff.... :-\
 

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8) The first time I saw this... I fell out of my chair laughing... I work with a guy that looks IDENTICAL to the cartoon.... and his wife's name is HELEN!!!!! LOL!!!


 

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Talk about a SENIOR moment!
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot.

My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice, “Roger,” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!”
 

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Hahaha!!! Great one Wingnut!

Ok ok, I have one:
Days of the old west. A young man, was teased by his posse for being a virgin. Determined to be a grown man, and eliminate his embarrassment, the young man headed for the brothel. There he met a fine woman, who quickly summized his lack of abilities, as he stood in front of her rather dumbfounded.

With a sweet voice, the Lady of the Night points out the window and says, "Dahlin'.. Ya see that tree out there? The one with the knothole in the trunk? Why don't ya go practice on that, then ya come right back here and see me." She smiled sweetly, as the young man headed out the door to partake in his new lesson.

A few days later, the young man returned to the woman at the brothel. In no time at all, he was able to get down to some real business, when suddenly he starts to smack the lovely woman a number of times, on her bottom! "Why dear sir... What's all that for?, she queried him cautiously.

With a sly grin, the young man replied, "I'm checking for bees!"

:)
 

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Wing nut........ My stomach hurts from laughing....THANKS!!!! That was awesome! Lollol!


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I stopped to see my priest the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the Hereafter.
I told him I do all the time! No matter where I am. If I'm in the living room, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement,
I ask myself.... now what am I here after?
 

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A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I'm sorry, they all turned me down.�
 

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Wingnut said:
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I'm sorry, they all turned me down.
Lol
 
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